Parenting is my favorite role and watching my children grow, I embrace the ways they each force me to adapt my parenting style to suit each of their unique personalities and needs. My children also force me to confront the deeply ingrained customs, behaviors, culturally embedded norms, and attitudes that I grew up with—those I embrace and those I reject. As someone who grew up with one foot in Haitian culture and another American culture, raising American kids creates tensions between what I learned subconsciously about parenting and what I do intentionally as a parent. It also creates tension with the autonomy, assertiveness, and critical thinkers I am raising and the sometimes compliant behaviors that I prefer when I want to move fast. Yes, you have to do it because I told you so. Every parent wishes sometimes kids would just do as they are told without complaint, but that is often not the case, especially as they mature and have their own interests and ways that they want to spend their time.
As I raise my children, I also want to prepare them for the workforce. I want them to be good employees for their bosses. I want them to question things, bring divergent perspectives, see things from others’ perspectives, see the bigger picture, and understand competing interests, conflicts of interest, ethics, and pressures that others more senior and junior than they are may have to which they may not be privy. I want them to understand that they have to earn both respect and titles. I want them to be fair, respectful to others and themselves, and promote equity in the workplace and invite diverse perspectives because it is the right thing to do and ensures better outcomes and yields superior results. From their team sports and activities, I want my kids to think about what their responsibilities to their mates and the team are. I encourage them to see how their individual and independent work contributes to elevating the whole team and know that they don’t operate in a vacuum.
As a first-generation leader, I share with my kids the leadership challenges and workplace decisions I make. I share my failures, successes, and frustrations with them. I ask for their advice and try to teach them to be reflective, self-aware, and to practice those behaviors. I am always excited when they ask me for advice because I see that they are seeking a different perspective and I love the insight into their lives and being asked to offer my thoughts even if they ultimately don’t choose my advice.
Being a parent is challenging and, for me, requires thinking about how what I want that is expedient may be against the values that I teach them. Aligning expectations and behaviors, both mine and theirs means staying vigilant. My kids are quick to point out inconsistencies between what I say and what I do. I enjoy being a mom to young adults and I love watching them grow. There is nothing more fulfilling in life!
