Recently, I watched Waves and American Fiction. The former focuses on teens and parenting, and the latter on two brothers, one of whom is an academic, caring for an aging parent. I related to both in so many ways. Watching them was timely for me on both personal and professional fronts. As my children are both teens learning to navigate crushes, feelings, and friendships, we have been talking a lot about those crucial topics; decisions, actions, and inactions and their potential implications. And, as my parents are getting older, my siblings and I are increasingly having conversations about their care, future living arrangements, etc.
Waves
I watched Waves alone the first time, so I could determine whether we should watch it as a family. I have made the mistake in the past of picking a movie that I had not screened first only to be shocked by content inappropriate for watching with children. Watching Waves reminded me of when we watched American Son as a family. Sometimes, it is the timing of an experience that makes all the difference.
Lately, I have wrestled with recent articles about young people not being held accountable for actions that inflicted irreparable harm and pain on others. Being an empiricist at the core, I began devouring research on the brain and have learned that even our mature children are capable of making very unintelligent decisions in the moment. Their brains are not fully developed until about age 25. This has been eye-opening for me.
Partly, as a result of watching Waves, I decided to have “the conversation” about sex with my daughter. Yes, it was uncomfortably painful for me, but it seemed like she was prepared for it and it was less uncomfortable for her. I never had such a conversation with my mom, so I had no prior experience to which I could relate, model, or deviate from. I just had to wing it and I did. When it was over, I wished I could have my daughter submit a survey about how well it went. Was it helpful, factual, or appropriately awkward? Would you sit through this conversation again? What did you learn that you didn’t know before? What will you do now or differently? Could you tell that I was nervous? I had so many questions about my own performance. One day, eventually, I am certain we will talk about it.
American Fiction
American Fiction was also timely for me as I am being encouraged to speak more publicly and share my story in ways that can be helpful to others. The star-studded cast of this movie delivers a great satire that takes on some of the stereotypes those of us of color in higher education have confronted. I was not in love with this movie and did not like its ending. It did, however, give me a great laugh and made me stop and reflect on my experiences, stories I have heard from others, and current events. The movie also addressed homophobia and the real challenges of caring for loved ones even when they have some means.
