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Fake it until you make it. We have all heard that phrase. Over the course of my professional life, my approach has been to push through my zone of discomfort on the road to fully mastering the competencies I am developing. This worked in my personal life starting with when, a junior in high school, I decided to leave my parents’ house and embrace life as an independent minor. This was the first big decision that I took and it brought me right out of the frying pan and into the fire. Looking back, however, there is nothing that I would change. Sure, I could have done without the physical and psychological abuse that my first husband put me through, but the decision to live life on my own terms has defined the woman that I am today.

Since that first big decision, I have challenged myself to take risks, to learn new things, and to ask intimidating women to become my mentors so I could learn from them because I found something about them formidable. I have also asked others across the gender spectrum to teach me the ropes or help me to better understand concepts, experiences, and complex phenomena, among other things. So, it was without hesitation that I asked my friend to help me dress for my first event at my son’s “fancy school” because I feel like an imposter in that environment. After carefully choosing my outfit, she found a great used Burberry spring jacket from Poshmark that was my size!

No matter how far up we climb the ladder, the feeling of being an imposter can emerge when we least expect it. For me, I have not had the exclusive experiences that my son is having. I went to a very good public high school. In fact, my school was the first public school in the United States and it has maintained a stellar reputation through the centuries. However, it did not prepare me for the world of “fancy” schools.

My first fancy school experience was when I was a student on scholarship at Oxford. I was admitted to Exeter College where I earned a certificate in European History, Politics, and Society. Part of my non-academic obligatory activities included coffees, wine and hors d’oeuvres receptions, and lunch with faculty. I had no idea what to wear. This was in 1998. I had brought with me some special dresses that I ordered from a catalog that my mom used to order from and some pants and shirts that I bought from thrift shops as they were my primary shopping outlets then. At every outing at Oxford, I felt awkward. I was either underdressed or overdressed and my clothes looked nothing like my peers’. I was also super conscious of the fact that I was there on scholarship. I thought my clothes outed me. Everyone must know that I cannot pay the tuition, I thought at every event rather than seeing it as someone chose to invest in my education because they saw me as worthy and promising. This awkwardness persisted through the end of my time there, but luckily it did not deter me from applying to the London School of Economics where I earned my Master’s degree.

However at ease my son may feel at fancy school, for me, although it has diminished over the years, it is still a different world. I also acknowledge that the school does its utmost to make everyone feel welcome and to create a sense of belonging for all. My son is fully immersed in school life. I simply grew up in a different milieu and suspect that I will always experience these kinds of discomforts. These feelings, however, do not stop me from engaging with other parents, teachers, students, and others. I am grateful that my child can be a scholarship kid at a fancy school and grateful for those who see promise in him.

What matters is how we respond when we are in situations that make us uncomfortable but also offer opportunities for growth and evolution.