It was a simple question yet a profound and revelatory one: who takes care of the girls and the young women? While I felt that it was directed at me, I knew it was a question for the entire audience. The woman who spoke those words was a strong and capable human in her 30s who had been caring for her family, including the adults who were supposed to care for her, from a very young age. Like many of us, in most spaces, she appears strong and formidable. That night, though, in a safe and confidential space, she allowed herself to be vulnerable, to let her resilience and guard down, and to be human.
Before she spoke, I had spoken about caring for our young Black and Brown boys. I had spoken about their vulnerability, about mental health being for them too. I had been thinking about how to protect them and to encourage them to know that it is okay to feel, to cry, to emote, to fear, to be joyful, to be proud and not be blinded by ego, and to remember the long game, especially when provoked.
I grew up raising four of my five Black brothers and I am the mom of a Brown boy. I know what they are up against. I know the world they confront each day, and I also know the opportunities available to them. In that moment when she spoke those words, I had goose bumps because I knew that she was so right. Like so many girls growing up in difficult circumstances, she grew up too quickly. She became a caregiver, a consoler, a protector, a proxy parent, a victim of society’s ills, and a provider at a much too young age. She was right. Her youth was stolen from her. She was born an adult.
So, who cares for our girls and young women? Who protects them? Who tells them that being born a girl doesn’t mean that you are automatically responsible for everyone else. Who ensures their physical, mental, and psychological well-being? How do we, mature women who have walked in their shoes, help the girls and young women break the cycle? How do we, as a society, stop forcing girls to be tough and rough, and weather all the things before they are even developed? How do we ensure that their childhood, teenage years, and youth are joyful times of their lives?
Let us take better care of our girls and young women and stop putting the burden of caring for everyone else on them. We can do better.
