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When you say “the talk,” most Black parents know what you are talking about. As parents, we know not to let our children into the world without having had “the talk.” A group of Black girlfriends and I recently sat around and talked about when we had “the talk” with our kids. We each had a different story. Our kids were different ages. But the thread was the same. We want to protect our black and brown kids.

My kids were four and seven when we did. I remember it as vividly as yesterday. We were in the car listening to NPR. They were in the back in their booster seats. Obama was speaking about the one-year anniversary of Trayvon Martin’s death. I was driving the kids home from school and preschool. I told them that if they ever got arrested, they should comply with any requests made of them and to respond “yes, ma’am” or “yes, sir.” I told them not to answer any questions and to instead ask for their Manmie, their Papi, and their lawyer. I emphatically kept on repeating this. Both kids picked up on my grave tone. They became serious, confused, and curious.

My son was the first to ask a question. He asked “why are you telling us this” to which I responded “in case you get arrested.” My daughter then asked “why would we get arrested?” I responded “you won’t.” My son asked again “why are you telling us this?” I responded “just in case.” After a brief pause, he said “call Uncle Papo.”  I said “yes.” He looked at his sister and said “he’s a lawyer.” I went on to tell them about Trayvon Martin. I told them that he went to buy candy and soda and was murdered. It took years before I allowed our son to wear black hoodies. I generally kept hoodies out of his wardrobe, but there were a few hand-me-downs from his cousin that he loved too much for me to keep away from him.

As a Black and Caribbean mom, I have always kept it real with my children. Even as babies, I never spoke to them with gibberish baby voice. I started developing their brains in the womb, listening to all kinds of world music, including classical, and reading to them in all the languages we wanted to learn. (Our son now speaks Chinese, in addition to the others). We sang nursery rhymes in Haitian Creole, French, and Spanish. I don’t know any English language nursery rhymes. They watched Spanish and French cartoons as toddlers and Lion King in French over and over again.

My kids watched a lot of television while I was in grad school! Yep, I said it. They had nearly unlimited screen time, which included learning math and science on their iPads. I wanted them to be ready for the real world as much as I wanted them to be informed and intelligent and know they could always count on our unconditional love as their parents.

We had “the talk,”—the first talk when they were young—and many other talks followed.